A fearful flyer? In flight insight.

So I'm writing this blog from 31,000 ft (and posting from home, I should add). Boarding this flight proved a challenge - as did boarding on Wednesday. Tears, denial, panic. And a massive breakdown on boarding which led to cabin crew chatting with me and even sending me in for a talk with the pilot men on the flight deck.

Part of me feels a bit of a fraud. Right this very second I could be mistaken for a frequent flyer. Bach is blaring out of my headphones, G and T has been consumed, the book is being read. I am calm and relaxed (apart from a basic level of constant apprehension - relatively minimal). Though I gripped the seat tightly during the bumpy ride through Scotland's resident cloud cover, and am half wondering why I AM so calm (surely I should be a bit cautious?!), all is now well aboard BA flight 2965 from Glasgow to Gatwick. The Valium and G and T may be contributing but so what. 

 

I'm sure the people I bawled my eyes out to on the phone an hour ago will want to throttle me. But, learning as I am, an awful lot about my fear of flying, there is no getting round the huge psychological and emotional challenge and battle I endure every time I fly. The old patterns of worry and fear. 

My subconscious seems constantly to remind me that I hate flying. As such when preparations and plans are made, the flight or fight response is engaged and I am left panicking, questioning If I can get on, stewing over the fact I'll be at 30,000 ft, worrying, anxious and dead set against the idea of flying. It consumes me entirely and that's what gets me worked up, run down and, well, in such a state. Guess I'm only human. 

 

But (and Wednesday more or less showed the same) once aboard I know how to tackle any fearful thoughts (blocking them out and breathing deeply) and can enjoy - as much as I might - normal activities to a degree. I'm in the moment and dealing with it. 

I guess my psychological and emotional response to flying is where I need to do some work. The idea of flying seems to be what freaks me out. And my subconscious needs to catch on to the idea that really it can be ok. 

I should add that it's also ok because, following the breakdown on boarding, the cabin crew have been giving me the special treatment. Thanks to BA! Plus it's also easier because I know that the flight is a short one. 

Anyway, pilot man has announced 10 minutes to landing so I'm off to await the gracious feel of terra firma once more. Shame really, quite smoothe up here ....